Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
