Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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