Someone shit on the floor
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
