Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
