She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
