Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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