Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize