I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
