My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize