dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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