He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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