She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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