Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
