he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My vagina is officially offended.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
