I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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