Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
