ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
