You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
tell me about the fingering
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