I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
