you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
