WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
