My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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