I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Come see our sink grown plant.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
