I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
