So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
