my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Randomize
