I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
