Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
