If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
