I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
