ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You are the jesus of drinking
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
