I just threw up on my dentist
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
