I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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