Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Screwed.edu
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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