evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Soap is not a condiment
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
