wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
