I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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