I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
