I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
