I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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