Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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