if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
