I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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