in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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