Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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