yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
