Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
