You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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