Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
