you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
May the power of my ass compel you!!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So vagazzling was a success
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
