there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My bed smells like the plague
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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