I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize