dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
