with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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