He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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