Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
