woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
