I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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