if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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