The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize