Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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