Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
