i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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