I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
