Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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