'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
this is an emotional support booty call
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
