"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
