so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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