Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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