i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Can you bring me the toilet please
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
