I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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