i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize