there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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