Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
