your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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