i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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