then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
