ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
