my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
