Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
