So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
