My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
