Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Acid is not a monday night drug
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
