did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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