I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
