im holly from the hills drunk
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
