and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
