FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
where does the pee come out of this thing
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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