You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
