dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
