I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
