Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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