I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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