I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
