youre lurking in front of me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
