He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
