If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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