I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
