Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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