Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
